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Thursday, July 31, 2008

Stroking one's ego...

The day you decide to stick your head into a lion's mouth you will find that you will never intentionally try to irritate the beast. My mother lacks the common sense to string together this connection.

I do feel rather evil right now, I have all the blackmailing rights I need and just a slight bit of morals not to use it and blast her off the surface of the planet. Today, things are so more sibling like than parental... Was she trying to teach me a harsh lesson on punctuality? If so it didn't work very well... she's strapped herself up in a dynamite since my grandparents are rather...displeased. (read:they are veeery angry)

It's such a delicate situation I know if I add a little touch of my own the whole tower will unmake itself. Ah well, at least I don't stoop that low to score a blow in terms of retaliation. I wonder if I'll bear a grudge against her... they do say revenge is a dish best served cold... still, cold fish is gross unless it's sushi. And these days, I don't eat sushi often.

Lesson here... I should be more organised and never plot against my own family members, no matter how much they are been a pain in the ass. Unless of course, they make you read around 84 pages of notes to catch up on a lecture. That's something... and if karma existed, they'll get their own.

I think I'll just sit out and watch tonight. My grandma has been grumbling all morning... pity I won't be home when mum is getting grilled =(

And for that moment of gleefully evil thoughts, I just realised someone has to pick me up after work... well, shit.



...that and I realised, my mum has no sense of humour. Which posts the next question, am I even related to her?


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

To take a life... or Two

Dreams are dreams, reality is reality. To turn dreams into reality is about as futile as grasping water while wishing for ice. Touch is warm, ice is cold. ...further and further you slip from your intended goal.

An object can't take on two contradictory natures at once, otherwise the natures are either depicted on different parts of the object or demonstrated at different times, it could even infer there are two separate objects. So the question here is, is my heart divided into two?

How can you be happy and sad at the same time? Doesn't make much sense.

If so the heart is feeling elated and burdened at the same ti
me, perhaps it's truly in two parts. Such hypersensitivity is uncommon, why do you come and seek out my company tonight. Misery sure loves company, but I wasn't miserable =/

Now that I have an annoying companion called heavy feelings what can I do to shake it off? Dinner hasn't even been this tasteless before and the obnoxious white of my walls, this irritating. Truly I am less frustrated than I feel. Unpleasant as it is, I do say it's my fault I let its gnarled roots
dig this deep and strike so close to the fabled organ of emotions. A colourful spread of lies.

Which one do you live in again? Just how real are the things you are picking out for me to feel?

...we all make your own reality. I really want to throw out this half empty glass of water. This gloom is a tad thick for my liking. Reminds me of mould...

...and rooms.

Take your depression somewhere else, I'll just sleep.
That green, is the source of the happiness. 100 points to the one that gets the idea of why. Am I being too cryptic? Too tired to think today. I do know something's missing tho...

Null. Void.

Loss of balance.





Plato...is that you?

Well I say reading exerts from the Republic isn't the most entertaining thing to do at 1:30... But work is work I think I'll get through this one way or another. Oh divine consciousness, please leave me now? ...or now? ... ... maybe even now?

Ah well, I don't know what is with the sense of smell...it's a rather sensitive thing. I kept recognising that smell today, there were a few places where I just walked past and caught a fraction of a whiff. Maybe I am going a tad weird from certain things, who knows? Hormones make no sense to me.

I miss you.

It's weird, but you smell different to the rest of the people I know. I like the feeling of softness in it. Uniquely yours, but slightly addictive. Alright, hard decision, Plato or you?

... =/ I'd pick you since you are a tad more fun than the Republic.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Food?

I am vaguely intrigued by my stomach these days. It seems to go to extremes to prove that if I skip my regular meals it'd be a total biatch to me when I eat next. Or maybe it was just dinner today. I ate a little and go so bloated I ended up emptying most of it into the S-bend so I can relief the pressure.

So dodgy and stupid. I choked pretty bad on the first one and it felt like I got punched in the stomach. There would be no way I'd turn bulimic, can't deal with this kind of abuse everyday.

I've never found sushi unappealing, I think I am a tad weirder than I'd like to think I am. Or perhaps I am just a tad sicker. Karate was a bucket of fun. Spinning mawashigeris are just the best things to do, I so wish I can kick someone with it. =P

Sunday, July 27, 2008

First Day Last Day

No, I am definitely not very cryptic, but you know, to the mass public I am very cryptic. Last day signifies the end of the holidays and first day is the start of something. What it is, you'd probably never know unless you are the relevant party. Doubt they read my blog.

My day... started with me burning my hand with an iron. You see I am that good, but it also teaches us that you shouldn't do ironing the first thing in the morning, straight after you get up, no matter how urgent it is. Worse comes to worse, wear another shirt for a change of pace. You'd look stupid in green anyway.

Even with such a dodgy start and a slight lack of sleep due to insane giggling fits last night, it turned out to be a smashing day. For the record, I don't giggle. That word is as foreign as spaghetti in China to me. Yet it was a rather extreme situation so I guess giggling would be alright... I never said it was appropriate, I spent the better half of my night wondering if I was stuck in a good dream that will turn twisted and end queer.

I guess it's a good thing it wasn't a dream. Funny, I thought my back pain was a tad too realistic to be fake. I think I was probably over excited because I woke up a whole hour earlier than I should have. Normally I won't even miss sleep even if that meant the world was ending at 11.

Sorry, awake time is at 12, leave me alone, go self destruct somewhere else.

But today...totally not normal.


What is normal anyway?

So I'd like to thank the rain, that likes to invade my hot chocolate. The weather, for been a wretched beastly thing. The movie, for been such a kickass thing. The Joker, for been the top villain in society. And you. You
should know who you are, but we all know everyone likes a bit of anonymity in life.

You are absolutely awesome and is more than I can ask for, so thanks for being in part of my rather strange life. :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

She's a tad strange

Dread. What a terrible word.

I think I am dreading a few things at the moment. I guess one is uni. Serves me right for complaining about it so much in the holidays. I'll stop whining now, can uni not start next week? I haven't hibernated enough yet...

The other...are those creepy photos they took at karate on Wednesday. I don't think they are going to come out very pretty. Then sensei said he is going to put them on facebook. I think I might go rip all those tags off =P Either that or I go bury my head in the nearest wall and deny that thing is my face.

Oh joy.

It's weird how the last few days of the holidays are when I start doing things. Going out to dinner tomorrow and then seeing Batman on Sunday...not to mention watching someone eat cake. I am losing it just a bit these days.

...oh and I still have to go post Jono's letter. He's gonna get pissed if I don't do it tomorrow. Haha, he might have to wait another few days before he can read my drabbles. I suck at letter writing big time.

Should get off my ass and do something. Reading her blog always make me feel strange. =/

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Blackout

The stage lights are off
the audience gone.
You can stop acting now
they won't see you any more.

Let your hands drop
the burden of your role
Relax those shoulders
let yourself fall

In this blackout
there's no your or me
Slip into a slow dance
that no one can see

When it's light again
may you smile genuinely
You can't see me now
but know that I'm real

Next time you leave
on your new journey
Remember these words
"I'm always here,
no matter where you are."




Last Arc

Who is more twisted when you review on all this, the one at fault or the one that was wronged? It seems the internet is too big for its own good and naturally, people make some unwanted discoveries, driven by curiosity. I think that action is a tad beyond redemption now. Really, it would have been wiser if I pulled out before I read a single word.

Close the book.
Put it down.
Walk away without the knowledge.
You are wiser this way.


Yet like it happens again and again, curiosity gets the most of us. So I read. It's sad to think Orion fell in that trap.

Entry after entry, it became a source of light on a past event. Eventually I don't know what I was feeling any more. It's true you can project whatever image you want in writing. But words don't lie unless you do.

I texted the third party after getting the vague feeling I should have done so. Learnt another lesson, timing is everything.

If I really stood morally straight why is there a vague sense of victory in my mind now? I really don't think I am that nice of a person; do I even wish for it though? =/ So maybe this was the fall from grace I was waiting for. I shouldn't be like that, it's so dark.

I doubt I hold a hand of cards to play. But I'll lay down the last card anyway, if it is as I wanted, that card would be blank. We are nothing but memories now. It really is time to scatter the ashes into the wind. Take those memories into that Manila folder in your mind.

...Tonight, I'll write you a letter.