Like frosting on hot glass

What kind of pain are you facing?

Would there be a single shred of kindness if I spoke my mind? Another fold of events to propel the situation towards another empty victory. Funny I might have gloated a few months back, but now, it’s all over.

There used to be a time when I was vengeful, hateful, desireless, and bitter – maybe even a sceptic. Life was the ugly little game we called reality and I was another pawn in someone else’s game. A little corner of someone else’s life. I was greedy, power hungry and insecure, fed by my own short sightedness, never blaming myself for the faults.

Easily put, I wanted to sit on a throne all day long and forget about the rest of the world. There was me and me only. I was the gravity and I was the world. From there I watched another force slowly pulling apart my kingdom. The green beast reared its head pretty easily.

You don’t lose that kind of attachment so quickly, deserted or not.

Possessive.

Territorial.

Primal.

– Even ghost towns have a ruler.

When I walked away from it all I wondered what I had gained but an half empty sack of experience. It doesn’t make me wise beyond my years because I am still naïve enough to fall for it a second time.

When you see it enough, hear it enough, watch it enough…it is drilled into your brain. Perhaps you believe there is a happily ever after. Two people made just for each other. The right connection, the right dialogue, the right personality, the right atmosphere, the right enzymes, the right chemicals…the right time.

I don’t know which it lacked, but I suppose I was under my little delusions of the way I perceive someone. It’s true you can’t change a person from what they are, but you can still influence them. Just…the inertia from that isn’t enough to achieve the result you were looking for.

I gave up trying. It wasn’t worth it. Forever is always a lie and you learn not to say those things or ask those questions that are seeking a large amount of commitment. You learn a lot.

Like ~ tears don’t make them as sad as they do you. It’s just emo.

If you try the emotional black mail, it nets you no where except “If you are emo, go write a poem”

If and IF you do write a poem, it’s just trash, put it away or burn it. If you write it in your blood, that’s just unhygienic… other fluids are even worse. Someone else’s blood calls for manslaughter.

Post it on myspace and you are an attention seeker. Post it on facebook and no one would see or give a damn.

C’est la vie?

…so what now?



Suicide…?


If you go that far, it just means you have no life whatsoever. Give your food to a starving hobo and live in the drains from now on, don’t leave when it rains.

I can laugh at it now. It’s different and it’s true I’ve changed. I know who to give the credit to…the person that stumbled into my life. Perhaps a random gift from a kind stranger? Or…they’ve just been internet stalking me since November ~ [joke]

Either way… thanks. Even though I am not a “forever and ever” person, and I can see the ephemeron that is life. The short shiny essence that makes something fleeting but sweet. I suppose if I keep walking next to you, I could call that second an eternity.

Time is just as long as you want to pretend it is. In that moment, that second, I can pretend, it is everlasting perfection, just like a lifetime that can pass in the blink of an eye.

…Or so they say – but they are all hopeless romantics trying to be cool.




In essence…aren’t we all?

Let's just sit and talk...!

Why yes that is a giant pile of white chocolate. HA..that's a lie, it's a glob of Mayo~~>=]

The topic of the day is the healthy selection of foods available in the supermarkets these days. What can't you find? Actually that is a lie too... here I shall cryptically paste the extract that forms the content of today's focus..

"...behold as we press onwards towards our steadfast task. There shall be no sissy exits such as "Let's just sit and talk..." Sitting and talking is for the weak. We are by no means, weak. Here we are comrades in seeking the Holy Grail of life.

We will not falter as we face the decision of what to do in the face of hardship. The lack of appropriate equipment shall not deter us from the sordid glory that awaits the completion of the task. And that was when you took the lead, gave your hand to the devil while the other busied itself with soothing the spirit.

As you followed the recipe of disaster, we locked eyes and wondered if it was for the better or the worse. Laughter was cautious and amusement covered the taboo of the act. Surely you squeeze the lemons first? No matter, the ingredients were added in a fervent speed, mixed to perfection and warmed by far from gentle hands.

A curious examination of the product induced nothing more than a blush. What was done was done, but you could have at least used a dish or bowel of some sort... stains are hard to remove you know.

So how was your first time at making your own mayo then smearing it all over someone's canvas of skin?...Seriously you should have squeezed the lemons first... "

I'll just leave this here and let you interpret it however you want. The clean up to say the least was not a chore. No lemons were harmed in the production process.

May all lemon trees rejoice. <3

Genius.

They even come in tubes these days XD

All relavent picures taken from the wide hole of the internet and may their copyrighters not sue me off my ass. =]

The Exciting Adventure Known as... Yesterday

Naturally that is Aidan getting run over by Rohan in the car... no it didn't happen ...Ro just crushed his fingers by winding up the window

I have a rather diversified crowd of friends... I just noticed yesterday ~ this Saturday was perhaps more exciting than the rest. It started with me shirking (? is that even the right word?) off work to play Valhalla Knights 2, only to notice that game is frurstratingly hard from the start without proper preparation.

Ie. Another one of those games that appears deceptively easy at first, until you die about 5 times in a row from the same dungeon and have no gold left to accomplish anything. >> concluding with restarting the game and crying because there is no guides.

At around 9 ish, I was called out for a "date" with Laura, so we trooped off to Shine without Jasmine. She was off having a grand partay somewhere~ and I ended up with Laura shouting me a drink. We camped out at Shine for quite a while, talking about stuff and watching a lot of models strut their stuff back and forth on the catwalk due to the large project screen constantly playing on the fashion channel.

Arthur rocked up with Aidan at around 11-ish. (And I thought girls were bad, but he took 2 hours to get here >>), that was when the real random fun started. Being the randoms that we were, I suggested we go "draining" after Laura left for the Coco Lounge.

No objections?

Arthur drove us to the Chaddy drains and off we went. ... well we nearly drove the car down there. That would have been awesome... but oh well.

The fun lies in the fact that it was pitch black down there. We only had our phones with us...no torches. So basically, with the megre quality shots we took with bad bad flash... here's what we ended up with...well what I ended up with. >> not sure what Aidan got while he took off running with only the camera flash. I was hoping for the creepy movie stuff where there's a figure in one flash and not the next XD might have gotten scared to death tho >>

Your typical gritty tunnel... it wasn't a sewer btw, that would have been awful. Just a storm water drain

Kinda sus looking puddle of rust... where it came from, I don't have a clue >>

I have no idea where this leads off to... Aidan says one didn't have an end even though he walked for 3 hours >>

And the bunch of idiotic teenagers ~~ in a drain... with a shitty camera... Arthur got blinded ^^

Well the story following on from that was we ended up disturbing the peace with Rohan driving. Haha... fantastic ^^ and I think a resident called the cops since he was looking at us all sus with a phone... oh well... naturally we bailed. Ended up getting $12.00 of petrol exactly... -sigh- there are some things in this world that only Rohan can do ^^"

Finally...what night is complete without harrassing a Maccas drive-thru and asking for two burgers without patties and then a patty on its own in its very own box? Plus ice cream...can't forget ice cream.

Should do this most often...maybe even the driving part. But I gathered that's probably illegal =P but I guess that was the idea ^^

Happenstance

Every so often you stumble upon a realisation about something. Perhaps like a realisation that you’ve lost your direction in life and needs some guidance or that life in this country wasn’t what you expected – ie. It sucks hardcore or you think you’ve started liking people of the same sex, perhaps even worse…inanimate objects or you noticed you wrote a very unholy sentence that is rather too long in length to be grammatically correct but you don’t care and keep going anyway despite what the Nazis of grammar would like to say.

Either way, you start noticing things about life sooner or later, it is when you do that you want to ask yourself… so just how the hell did I end up here?

Often I ponder where did the short, scrawny little girl who had no concept of authority disappeared to in my life. Since when did this little punk that like to kick, punch, scream and even bite if she was on the losing side vanish and I became me? A boring uni going kid with red hair, who likes to wear black giraffe earrings? … Though lately I noticed, I’ve moved onto fruit.

Still there is the process through which I changed. From primary school then to high school and now at uni. I wonder if I would dislike the brat I was back then, or the me back in the past would think the person I am now is a weird perverted man dressed in a pickle suit pretending to be a panda on a gum tree?
Who knows yeah?

Despite the hazy pattern of growth, mum told me I am very silent these days. I told her there was no need to talk, often you realise people are big idiots when the open their mouths. Or simply, I just had nothing to say. It’s more fun watching anyway. You notice more, and I am by far, not an observant person.

It isn’t hard to see that most of my interests have promoted me to be a rather introverted person. From the accidental discovery of reading, to writing shitty fiction, to watching anime and then proceeding to build a little house in my head because the reality of surviving high school as an Asian kid became too much. Needless to say, my social life was rather crippled by my family… they even banned me from sleepovers and most shindigs where the next most exciting thing they like to talk about at school happens.

Still I drifted by. I didn’t know if there was a goal in my life then, or a passion of any sort. Music definitely wasn’t it. I had ears, but they preferred to listen. After 2 failed attempts at picking up the piano, my family finally concluded my musical education should just be put on halt. So I ended up doing the thing I loved the most, drawing. They believed I had talent, I believed it was the god given thing I can do well without having to practise 2 hours every day just so I can draw a pretty line.

Besides there were people at art that were awesome. Fridays were the best days back then. Those 2 hours spent joking and probably bullying my cousin. Whichever demanded more attention.

The rest of my school life was filed up with studying and being Asian. Well whatever my family deems as acceptable. Naturally they wanted the whole high grades and only high grades thing. I seem to have on and off years, but they thought that coming out on top between 60 people is never a hard thing. Maybe being Dux was the only way for them to relax and believe I won’t fail year 12.

Still I don’t have a purpose in life, and look where year 12 landed me… a gaming addict who is/was 2 steps away from notorious fangirling of Square Enix characters from the Final Fantasy series. Wait, that’s a lie…I did do my share of fangirling at school… >> Vincent squeeee much?

Well one or the other. Life is life. Accidents happen, but we were probably adorably cute accidents anyway ~

I envy those people that can just answer "What is my purpose in life?" rather easily with "To live” so nonchalantly.

...because, to this day, I still don't know what living entails. I don't think I ever will, but I guess you don't need a direction to be "you" when you live in such a fortunate country where freedom is the essence of life. This makes me one happy "accident". =]

Puddles

Too much stuff happened today, I think I might just say it was a fantastic day? I got forced by my mother to go get my L's - somehow managed to pass that and I am now an appropriate member accepted by society~ hurray for that?
That aside, I finally managed to go satisfy my strange desire for those sour gummy coke bottle thingies. Amazingly descriptive I must say I am and while I poked around Coles, I bought my 5 cans of tuna. =] It sure makes a lot of sense.

Also managed to get a few other things done... but I guess I won't go into the long tedious details =P

This thing here is an amazing chocolate play button. Well that's a lie... I had another one today. Funny how I use to hate chocolate, now I seem to appreciate it so much more. Just like a few other things in life that I've come to appreciate...certain company and quiche.

Albeit eating pie isn't suppose to make you tired... no, I am not cryptic at all.

Anyhoo~ if you are stalking this ever again, thanks for the chocolate. Hope you win VCE cause I can buy legal booze now YAYA~ again total lack of connection.


Now~ onto the main contention of this, fact is I dyed my hair again. I was rather disappointed with that shade of red last time that was too weak to show through my emo black hair, so I went and got another brand. The smouldering red ended up looking like ketchup which my mother spent half an hour pouring and mashing into my hair.

30 mins later I was in the shower... my god. Was it fun to red hair dye. Nothing is quite like the feeling of standing in your very own puddle of blood. See below...


No harm done, I wasn't puking emo into the drainage system. But it seriously did look amusing... the shower cubicle could have passed for a homicide crime scene. =] white tiles against this ketchupy smouldering red totally made my day..

.. maybe I'm just easily amused.

Ugh, I need proper entertainment desperately.

Confessions from the Spleen

Yes I admit I am definitely lazy, this has got to be the first post in... well I must say a while. Nothing much has changed in life, cept I guess, a more happy and fulfilling life? Who am I kidding..that's such a lie. As if I'd live fulfillingly ^^"

Few minor changes... I've start Dota-ing. It has turned into an unholy addiction. Guess it's just me being a pest, because I hate been sucky at things.
Aside from that I live a normal life. Stopped karate tho... =/

Though I have noticed, as something competely random and not related...there are really awesome flowers in my garden. .. I wouldn't know tho, since I an inside creature. Yes, I my complexion may agree with the sun, but I rather go and grow shrooms in a cupboard.

Today is undeniably the last day of my holidays. Just to make it worse I even lost an hour to daylight savings. It still hasn't stopped amazing how much work I can get done when I concentrate... O.o that probably also means that I never use my brain these days. Shame..

Ah well ~ the joys of uni tomorrow. FAAANTASTIC. =] -cue sarcasm-