Unholy unhealthy unanananananana

I feel mildly pathetic, having to explain myself with another wall of text. It would seem when I need it the most, my vocal chords would malfunction and I can't quite get the right words out or keep the lacing of annoyance away from my tone.

No doubt I crossed another invisible line, and pushed more than a few buttons. You'd say I'm a despicable spoilt brat not used to being opposed in what I desire. But that is life, if I needed someone to tend to my every need, then I might as well have bonded to a servant.

It's just a mild case of addiction. A bit too much freedom on my behalf and countless thoughts of you that seems to slip into the empty bubbles of time where studies used to be. I don't even understand this bizarre urge I get to seek your company constantly.

I don't want to be so obsessive and feel a strange void when you aren't around. It'd be explainable when the void kicks in after a few days of no contact, but it's just odd for it to be there the very next day, or even after a few hours.

It's ever so confusing and I digress it's messing with my thoughts and judgement, effectively removing all semblances of logical thoughts and actions or traces of empathy. I feel so bland again 3:

...Not because I think you don't love me, but probably because I hate what I do but find it hard to control my actions. I wonder what I mean to you sometimes, since I'm like some random asteroid that just landed chaotically into your life. Under all the countless teasing and banter... is that love?

Are you like me and feel the need to dress up ever positive statement you want to make? Do you feel naked when you just come out and say it?

I feel so weird... sitting here looking at msn, holding onto the hope that you'd reply before I sleep again, even though clearly I let it all go on the phone. You waited and it's my bad for making that wait not worthwhile.

It's so confusing for me... emotions. And now it's melting into a puddle of possessive sentiments, which I greatly dislike. ): ...is usually leads to you saying "whatever" a lot.

I hate "whatever"s and try not to say it as a single worded reply these days. Someone in the past told me that when I used to "whatever" a lot it felt like I didn't care. It's very true... it does feel like that.

When you stop caring... what else is there left for me?

Letter letter letter.. where art thou?