Definitely Asian

Well it's about time I did something new with this blog. Thanks to a stalker's valued opinion, I was being too emo. So what better way to pass my time now than to be cynical? =]

Now the question is... what's this?
It looks awfully like a giant bunch of tumour growing out of a phone. Oh right... it's just an Asian with their phone. That's alright. Forget the fact that when you use that phone you'll be sticking a lump of stuff the size of your head next to your ears or the fact that there are two Spongebob Squarepants attached - either you were stupid enough to buy two or your phone charms are making babies behind your back.

So aside from the usual wtfs... a phone charm is a simple contraption you stick onto your phone to make you more trendy. They come in a variety of forms...


And no it's not just you, I see a cigarette butt and a green toilet with a face on it too. Pity they are a mandatory item to being a true Asian. If you don't have a phone charm then you just don't cut it. Feel free to sob a little and curl up into a ball because the cool Asians won't hang with you due to your lack of phone charms.

You are also welcome to become an obsessive compulsive charm collector that hangs a bunch of haemorrhoids from your phone. Each to their own I guess. No problems right? ... WRONG.

The really annoying part starts here. Imagine you are out and your phone is dead, so you turn to your tb-cough- I mean nice friend to ask to borrow a phone. They spend 10 minutes rummaging through their bag of who knows what, another 10 trying to fight and loosen something, and finally, very triumphantly pulls out their phone along with Naruto, Sasuke, Ichigo, Cloud Strife, Tifa, a Buster Sword, plush Rabbit, a dice, Squall Leonheart, a heart, stars, Shun Lu, Vincent Valentine, Sakura, TEH SATAN, a family of starving weasels, Yasith AND a box of aids ALL ATTACHED TO THEIR PHONE.

Feel free to imagine something a thousand times worse than this.. well the purple one is obviously doingitwrong with the black fingernails and the "CUT HERE" attached to their wrist. Emo =/= Asian.

I sure hope you enjoy using their phone, because I doubt I am much of a fan of having 5kg hanging off the side of my face while I'm talking to my parents to ask for a lift at 3am...which is hard enough as it is. It would also be nice to laugh at them when they are in their 30's and their neck is bent from carrying too much phone charms arounds.

Moral of the story? Use ONE charm if you are tb and get over yourself. Please please please don't do the following because you'll cause humanity to hate you.


No matter how much you love fried rice, it's just stupid to have a spoon of rice attached to your phone. That's more than enough Asian...try attaching Chinatown next.


Will make you no more HaRdKorZ JaPaNeSE than you already are. Food is just weird. Stop it.

Faggotry at its finest... Just in case they run out of teacups at hotpot because too many people go there. I'll carry my own attached to my phone. ~Well I hope you spill your tea all over your new Iphone.

I have no doubts these came from Japan and it's the perfect way to identify yourself as a 50 year old pedophile who's never gotten laid and enjoys watching year 7 girls go about their swimming practice because it's comparable to Naruto Hentai. Honestly...bondage doll phone charms. What. The. Fuck?

Lastly... the most screwed up of them all and for all you suicide lovers out there. Here. Use this. It's so convenient it's attached to your phone. Feel free to disappear into a bathroom and come out with slashed wrists, we promise we'll pretend to care.



...I herd you lyke Mudkipz