This is for you...
I wouldn't be writing here anymore, if anything it is a vault of memories that I may some day revisit. Everything's start and now the ending of it all.
I'm tired, half sleep deprived, cramping and feeling a bit nauseous, so excuse my lack of flare in this piece.
As an old saying goes... There's no use crying over spilled milk. It's so cliched I want to hit myself with my keyboard, but I'll refrain since that might hurt. :/
There really isn't much you can do to salvage a situation like that. The moment the container tips over, the liquid is sprayed all over the place. It'd be a futile pursuit to try and recover it all when some are on the walls and other are running through the cracks on the floors.
What's the eventual solution? You would probably sigh and go buy a another bottle of milk and be more careful next time. Hopefully you won't attempt the undignified actions of licking the milk off the ground. That tends to be unhealthy since you don't know what kinds of bacteria likes to breed between the floor cracks...or the fact that dust tends to make the milk feel like it has grown and extra layer of fur. ... Unsavoury.
I wouldn't deny the fact that we had a good time together,there were some beautiful moments and the way you entered into my life was almost like a miracle. Everything changed back then and suddenly I wanted to live again, and be the best person possible for you. Somehow we doggedly made it through VCE, and well, it's a traumatic experience for all those that goes through....
I hope I didn't mess it up for you too much. All that time you spent texting instead of studying. >.>
I don't think I'll forget any of this, even if I face you now with a cold, emotionless wall of logic. I guess it's my way of protecting myself? Things were treading downhill for us... and in the end, it was hard for me to differentiate between my own inability to keep believing your words and the possibility of you lying. It may not seem like a lot, but every time I accepted an invitation to your house had been a chance for you to prove to me that you weren't lying.
I hate lying more than anything. I'd rather you didn't tell me whatever truth it is you are trying to conceal than paint over the top of it with a lie. If you can't face me with complete honesty then what can we do together? People can't move forward if they don't believe a person will catch them when they fall. Either way I am not here to start a drama where we catapult accusations at each other. I haven't been trying that from the start. I really wished we could have worked it out between the two of us.
But then I realised that people deal with things very differently, and not everyone can be a cold hard bitch like me where they detach at will and just face everything like they weren't part of it. Although I must say that even though I feel responsible for the way you feel, I don't feel as accountable for the methods in which you deal with your grief and what sort of damage you are doing to your body. That is something someone with your knowledge of the body should very well be aware of and it is your choice what you subject your system to. I will not be some angelic saviour to your new found habits.
That is something I can't do because I feel so desensitised to everything. The choices that I am making are all just part of my basic instincts now. They've changed as things have progressed between us. At first I wondered if I should be making decisions based on my fondness for people, but lately I started to doubt that as a judging agent. These days, I realised I made my choice in whoever brought me more happiness.
I probably won't see those magic moments people claim they have in relationships where they have a deep connection emotionally and they can guess how each other feels. I stopped believing that now. I've also stopped believing that there will be a perfect person for me in this world. Nothing is ever perfect, it's what we endeavour towards that counts.
I'll be content as long as I am still happy whether that'd be holding hands with another person or walking alone. There's no use turning back or saying things that marks yourself as a monster. It's the past. That can't be changed, it's the future that matters.
I know it sounds like a stupid concept and at times inconsiderate, but for me, it's a cure. If I keep worrying about other people's happiness and not my own, I'll never be satisfied as a person. And if I can't even love myself enough to let myself be happy, who on earth would bother with an emo? What I need isn't a saviour to messiah my life, what I need is someone that can understand me and share my life.
I hope you can understand that. Not nodding and saying you do just to make me smile, but really understand me, with your mind and soul.
I'm tired, half sleep deprived, cramping and feeling a bit nauseous, so excuse my lack of flare in this piece.
As an old saying goes... There's no use crying over spilled milk. It's so cliched I want to hit myself with my keyboard, but I'll refrain since that might hurt. :/
There really isn't much you can do to salvage a situation like that. The moment the container tips over, the liquid is sprayed all over the place. It'd be a futile pursuit to try and recover it all when some are on the walls and other are running through the cracks on the floors.
What's the eventual solution? You would probably sigh and go buy a another bottle of milk and be more careful next time. Hopefully you won't attempt the undignified actions of licking the milk off the ground. That tends to be unhealthy since you don't know what kinds of bacteria likes to breed between the floor cracks...or the fact that dust tends to make the milk feel like it has grown and extra layer of fur. ... Unsavoury.
I wouldn't deny the fact that we had a good time together,there were some beautiful moments and the way you entered into my life was almost like a miracle. Everything changed back then and suddenly I wanted to live again, and be the best person possible for you. Somehow we doggedly made it through VCE, and well, it's a traumatic experience for all those that goes through....
I hope I didn't mess it up for you too much. All that time you spent texting instead of studying. >.>
I don't think I'll forget any of this, even if I face you now with a cold, emotionless wall of logic. I guess it's my way of protecting myself? Things were treading downhill for us... and in the end, it was hard for me to differentiate between my own inability to keep believing your words and the possibility of you lying. It may not seem like a lot, but every time I accepted an invitation to your house had been a chance for you to prove to me that you weren't lying.
I hate lying more than anything. I'd rather you didn't tell me whatever truth it is you are trying to conceal than paint over the top of it with a lie. If you can't face me with complete honesty then what can we do together? People can't move forward if they don't believe a person will catch them when they fall. Either way I am not here to start a drama where we catapult accusations at each other. I haven't been trying that from the start. I really wished we could have worked it out between the two of us.
But then I realised that people deal with things very differently, and not everyone can be a cold hard bitch like me where they detach at will and just face everything like they weren't part of it. Although I must say that even though I feel responsible for the way you feel, I don't feel as accountable for the methods in which you deal with your grief and what sort of damage you are doing to your body. That is something someone with your knowledge of the body should very well be aware of and it is your choice what you subject your system to. I will not be some angelic saviour to your new found habits.
That is something I can't do because I feel so desensitised to everything. The choices that I am making are all just part of my basic instincts now. They've changed as things have progressed between us. At first I wondered if I should be making decisions based on my fondness for people, but lately I started to doubt that as a judging agent. These days, I realised I made my choice in whoever brought me more happiness.
I probably won't see those magic moments people claim they have in relationships where they have a deep connection emotionally and they can guess how each other feels. I stopped believing that now. I've also stopped believing that there will be a perfect person for me in this world. Nothing is ever perfect, it's what we endeavour towards that counts.
I'll be content as long as I am still happy whether that'd be holding hands with another person or walking alone. There's no use turning back or saying things that marks yourself as a monster. It's the past. That can't be changed, it's the future that matters.
I know it sounds like a stupid concept and at times inconsiderate, but for me, it's a cure. If I keep worrying about other people's happiness and not my own, I'll never be satisfied as a person. And if I can't even love myself enough to let myself be happy, who on earth would bother with an emo? What I need isn't a saviour to messiah my life, what I need is someone that can understand me and share my life.
I hope you can understand that. Not nodding and saying you do just to make me smile, but really understand me, with your mind and soul.
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