Cold Static

There's no explanation that I can offer to compensate for what I did. I dont' want to think about it either. I want to avoid it so I can stop thinking about it... stop playing things over and over again like a screwed up tape or this overwhelming cloud of self pity. It disgusts me.

There an empty apology in there somewhere. One I can't bring myself to say because of an issue of pride. A crap mentality that leads me on to piss off people around me. ~ behold you have PMS. Maybe I am just running out of things to blame... yeah...seems like something dumb I'd do.

So many times I'd let it get out of control before retreating. You wonder why people would stay when you try your hardest to beat them away with a stick. Who'd be stupid enough to stay?

=( still... it hurts to watch them close the door. Like so many fucking times before.. you'd think I'd learn something from watching it repeatedly.

The stupid never learns.