Like frosting on hot glass

What kind of pain are you facing?

Would there be a single shred of kindness if I spoke my mind? Another fold of events to propel the situation towards another empty victory. Funny I might have gloated a few months back, but now, it’s all over.

There used to be a time when I was vengeful, hateful, desireless, and bitter – maybe even a sceptic. Life was the ugly little game we called reality and I was another pawn in someone else’s game. A little corner of someone else’s life. I was greedy, power hungry and insecure, fed by my own short sightedness, never blaming myself for the faults.

Easily put, I wanted to sit on a throne all day long and forget about the rest of the world. There was me and me only. I was the gravity and I was the world. From there I watched another force slowly pulling apart my kingdom. The green beast reared its head pretty easily.

You don’t lose that kind of attachment so quickly, deserted or not.

Possessive.

Territorial.

Primal.

– Even ghost towns have a ruler.

When I walked away from it all I wondered what I had gained but an half empty sack of experience. It doesn’t make me wise beyond my years because I am still naïve enough to fall for it a second time.

When you see it enough, hear it enough, watch it enough…it is drilled into your brain. Perhaps you believe there is a happily ever after. Two people made just for each other. The right connection, the right dialogue, the right personality, the right atmosphere, the right enzymes, the right chemicals…the right time.

I don’t know which it lacked, but I suppose I was under my little delusions of the way I perceive someone. It’s true you can’t change a person from what they are, but you can still influence them. Just…the inertia from that isn’t enough to achieve the result you were looking for.

I gave up trying. It wasn’t worth it. Forever is always a lie and you learn not to say those things or ask those questions that are seeking a large amount of commitment. You learn a lot.

Like ~ tears don’t make them as sad as they do you. It’s just emo.

If you try the emotional black mail, it nets you no where except “If you are emo, go write a poem”

If and IF you do write a poem, it’s just trash, put it away or burn it. If you write it in your blood, that’s just unhygienic… other fluids are even worse. Someone else’s blood calls for manslaughter.

Post it on myspace and you are an attention seeker. Post it on facebook and no one would see or give a damn.

C’est la vie?

…so what now?



Suicide…?


If you go that far, it just means you have no life whatsoever. Give your food to a starving hobo and live in the drains from now on, don’t leave when it rains.

I can laugh at it now. It’s different and it’s true I’ve changed. I know who to give the credit to…the person that stumbled into my life. Perhaps a random gift from a kind stranger? Or…they’ve just been internet stalking me since November ~ [joke]

Either way… thanks. Even though I am not a “forever and ever” person, and I can see the ephemeron that is life. The short shiny essence that makes something fleeting but sweet. I suppose if I keep walking next to you, I could call that second an eternity.

Time is just as long as you want to pretend it is. In that moment, that second, I can pretend, it is everlasting perfection, just like a lifetime that can pass in the blink of an eye.

…Or so they say – but they are all hopeless romantics trying to be cool.




In essence…aren’t we all?