Sticky Tape

We established the point that life is never fair, it'd be odd to want to play a fair game. I thought I'd never look back on anything. To let those feelings haunt me is to sign an express contract to fuck myself up. Who the hell would sign up for self-fuckery these days? I am not that stupid...maybe slightly similar to a potato. But that's beside the point.

I doubt my heart really is that fragile. Sure it gets dented from time to time from been dropped too much, but I really want to convince myself that he didn't break it completely. Ok maybe snapped a little in half, but back then he was so sure I didn't have feelings. After all, feelings originated from the heart, and I argued that it's a stupid bunch of chemicals running around our bodies. So maybe I didn't have one...or is that just a mere illusion I have to protect myself?

I still cried tho. Funny that.

SO aside from all sorts of unproductive reminiscences... I do believe I have a problem. I am doing something rather unhealthy and projecting my own fears into something shared. =/

I didn't promise myself that I would never believe in love again, but still I don't even know if I am capable of it. Yet tonight, I think I fell completely. A spectacular trip, plus the barrel roll and the ungraceful landing and all. Metaphorically.

And that was one of those fabled "oh shi-" moments when the metaphorical shit hits the fan. I think I've lost it. How can you come to appreciate someone so much over such a short time? Chemistry? ...? Or some kind of bizarre gravity that physics can explain?

Pfft, I doubt it's either. So being totally unsuccessful I came back to base one. I'll blame love. Really... I think for that last minute on the bus I believe. If a little, all of it.

The problem is, I am willing to bet everything on this. Which like everything has the possibility of blowing up in my face. Caution is like my best friend. When you get burnt once, you learn to let your cake cool down before scoffing it.